As you know, Sue, April and I are going through the same reevaluation as you are. Reading all the factors you've cited will add to her and my conversations. Thank you for sharing these important issues.
Hi Sue, Linda from High Prairie, long time no see....I moved off High Prairie about 4 years ago when I stopped counting the inches of snow at 72" and if it weren't for a new neighbor (prior neighbor was 1/2 mile away) I'd still be there digging myself out, not to mention an aging off grid solar system, my only source of electricity. I was fine too until I wasn't and maybe if I'd been able to find an electrician that knew the first thing about solar and could have supported that endeavor it might have taken me longer to make the decision to leave. I loved it there and I left kicking and screaming. My daughter and I both sold our homes and bought one that could support two households. I love the little place I put together in a huge shop so I could continue to work at my quilting business but I can't say I'm happy here. I love my daughter more than sliced bread but she has her life and friends and covid sort of made a hermit out of me and the area we moved to is a mill town and they have a personality all their own. Politically I don't fit in, a blue dot in a sea of read and so far the older folks my age (I will be 80) are "settled" with friends they've had forever. So it's a lonely existence but a safe space. I get where your folks are coming from and maybe your folks will come to realize they can stay with their circle of friends they just can't drive to see them. Maybe someone could follow them with a web cam and share the video? Or in some states a doctor can issues a report to the DMV recommending they not drive. That's not the best solution because it will feel punitive to them and they may drive anyway? I sort of agree that Uber wouldn't be my first choice but if the state/city has transportation for the aging, they might be ok with that? My sister's decided my mother needed to move from her home after my dad died and she never recovered from it, it wasn't her choice and she quickly went downhill. I'm convinced if we could have found her a companion, she would have had a happier end of life experience, but I wasn't consulted on the matter. I would not be happy in an assisted living facility, so I get how resistant your folks are, it's not my thing. While it's lonely living alone, I prefer it and would still be in High Prairie if I'd had the option. Just my thoughts on the subject, it's not easy to make these decisions but you sure don't want the government or ??? to make them for you. I wish you much luck in your new endeavors....
Hi Linda: how nice to hear from you! I am sorry that your move has not been a happier one. You bring up two issues that can affect a retiree's happiness in place: moving to a small town where generations of families and friends have lived and have an established network. And the political tension in our communities that has divided us, serving only to create isolated pockets of people. I am happy to hear you are still quilting!
RE: my folks
My mother died in Dec 2021 (you can check out the About section of this site for more info) and shortly after that my stepfather was hospitalized and he could no loner live alone so he is living with his daughter from his previous marriage. Your feelings about assisted living are shared by the majority of American retirees and I will be exploring transistional housing and options in my research and writing.
Sue, I appreciate your thoughts about this. The last bits of weather sound challenging, to say the least.
But I know I would love your place in the world. As I'm a bit older than you at 68, I'm also aware of the challenges that you describe, being in a cold winter place for a couple of months of the year in Quebec, as well as being here in summer and fall. I have thought recently about how I might cope with snow removal, the landscape, etc., if I were here on my own. Would I even come in winter? Could I manage a lightweight snowblower? It wouldn't be something I'd want to do. Another thought - how we might best manage in the future for snow removal, when my husband tires of doing it (or is nor longer able to do it). Ditto, managing the wood that feeds our vintage wood stove.
I share most of your criteria for a place to live, so they're interesting to contemplate. I hope we're able to spend many more years here - flying instead of driving, outsourcing snow removal, etc., putting in a heat pump, etc. -- as long as we can still enjoy xc skiing and harvesting veggies and fruits in our landscape.
Our other home, in Asheville, NC is in a historic neighborhood, walkable to downtown, and is delightful, although Asheville is increasingly crowded. Being here in Quebec is a breath of fresh air, absent the pressures of tourist city life and the stresses of being a progressive city in the South.
I did a landscape consultation some years ago for a woman in her 70's, who lived in a most wonderful historic cabin outside of Asheville surrounded by native plants. She'd lived there a long time, but was in the process of relocating to what sounded like a wonderful intentional retirement situation somewhere in Oregon (serving vegan fare, for example and paying attention to local connections). I can imagine a place like that being remarkable. You may be in a good area to find somewhere like that down the road. I'm not ready in my own life to spend a lot of time looking at options at this point, but have that in the back of my mind, I suppose, as my father ages (he's 87), reminding me that his younger wife (a couple of years older than me), is the buffer for my sister and I currently for addressing such issues for him.
In any case, these are things that we don't want to control our enjoyment of the present, but can encourage our adjustment to future opportunities. And we all have cautionary tales in our lives as those you describe with your mother and stepfather - all well worth taking into account.
Thank you for your reflections - good to read them on a snowy afternoon in a snug cottage. I hope cleanup after the storm isn't too bad and that you have a network of folks that can help.
Hi Lisa, Thank you for your thoughts. My desire to move is definitely influenced by my age in a challenging landscape. Another threat not mentioned in my essay is wildfire which now has become an annual threat. We could stay here as we have learned how to live here: we cut and stack firewood each year, we are equipped for power outages, and we can pay to have our driveway plowed but still have to shovel paths to get to the workshed and the compost pile. What has changed is my diminishing interest in this lifestyle. I spent last year thinking deeply about how I want to spend the last quarter of my life and my interests have changed. Reading, writing, fiber craft, road trips, hiking and camping were at the top of the list. Shoveling snow, cutting and stacking firewood, removing brush and small trees (firewise work), cleaning my 2400 sq ft house didn't even make the list!
As I mentioned I will be researching and writing about housing options that are available to some elders. Intentional communities (sometimes called co-housing) is on the list.
Thanks again for commenting. Let's keep discussing the many issues of aging.
As you know, Sue, April and I are going through the same reevaluation as you are. Reading all the factors you've cited will add to her and my conversations. Thank you for sharing these important issues.
Hi Sue, Linda from High Prairie, long time no see....I moved off High Prairie about 4 years ago when I stopped counting the inches of snow at 72" and if it weren't for a new neighbor (prior neighbor was 1/2 mile away) I'd still be there digging myself out, not to mention an aging off grid solar system, my only source of electricity. I was fine too until I wasn't and maybe if I'd been able to find an electrician that knew the first thing about solar and could have supported that endeavor it might have taken me longer to make the decision to leave. I loved it there and I left kicking and screaming. My daughter and I both sold our homes and bought one that could support two households. I love the little place I put together in a huge shop so I could continue to work at my quilting business but I can't say I'm happy here. I love my daughter more than sliced bread but she has her life and friends and covid sort of made a hermit out of me and the area we moved to is a mill town and they have a personality all their own. Politically I don't fit in, a blue dot in a sea of read and so far the older folks my age (I will be 80) are "settled" with friends they've had forever. So it's a lonely existence but a safe space. I get where your folks are coming from and maybe your folks will come to realize they can stay with their circle of friends they just can't drive to see them. Maybe someone could follow them with a web cam and share the video? Or in some states a doctor can issues a report to the DMV recommending they not drive. That's not the best solution because it will feel punitive to them and they may drive anyway? I sort of agree that Uber wouldn't be my first choice but if the state/city has transportation for the aging, they might be ok with that? My sister's decided my mother needed to move from her home after my dad died and she never recovered from it, it wasn't her choice and she quickly went downhill. I'm convinced if we could have found her a companion, she would have had a happier end of life experience, but I wasn't consulted on the matter. I would not be happy in an assisted living facility, so I get how resistant your folks are, it's not my thing. While it's lonely living alone, I prefer it and would still be in High Prairie if I'd had the option. Just my thoughts on the subject, it's not easy to make these decisions but you sure don't want the government or ??? to make them for you. I wish you much luck in your new endeavors....
Hi Linda: how nice to hear from you! I am sorry that your move has not been a happier one. You bring up two issues that can affect a retiree's happiness in place: moving to a small town where generations of families and friends have lived and have an established network. And the political tension in our communities that has divided us, serving only to create isolated pockets of people. I am happy to hear you are still quilting!
RE: my folks
My mother died in Dec 2021 (you can check out the About section of this site for more info) and shortly after that my stepfather was hospitalized and he could no loner live alone so he is living with his daughter from his previous marriage. Your feelings about assisted living are shared by the majority of American retirees and I will be exploring transistional housing and options in my research and writing.
Sue, I appreciate your thoughts about this. The last bits of weather sound challenging, to say the least.
But I know I would love your place in the world. As I'm a bit older than you at 68, I'm also aware of the challenges that you describe, being in a cold winter place for a couple of months of the year in Quebec, as well as being here in summer and fall. I have thought recently about how I might cope with snow removal, the landscape, etc., if I were here on my own. Would I even come in winter? Could I manage a lightweight snowblower? It wouldn't be something I'd want to do. Another thought - how we might best manage in the future for snow removal, when my husband tires of doing it (or is nor longer able to do it). Ditto, managing the wood that feeds our vintage wood stove.
I share most of your criteria for a place to live, so they're interesting to contemplate. I hope we're able to spend many more years here - flying instead of driving, outsourcing snow removal, etc., putting in a heat pump, etc. -- as long as we can still enjoy xc skiing and harvesting veggies and fruits in our landscape.
Our other home, in Asheville, NC is in a historic neighborhood, walkable to downtown, and is delightful, although Asheville is increasingly crowded. Being here in Quebec is a breath of fresh air, absent the pressures of tourist city life and the stresses of being a progressive city in the South.
I did a landscape consultation some years ago for a woman in her 70's, who lived in a most wonderful historic cabin outside of Asheville surrounded by native plants. She'd lived there a long time, but was in the process of relocating to what sounded like a wonderful intentional retirement situation somewhere in Oregon (serving vegan fare, for example and paying attention to local connections). I can imagine a place like that being remarkable. You may be in a good area to find somewhere like that down the road. I'm not ready in my own life to spend a lot of time looking at options at this point, but have that in the back of my mind, I suppose, as my father ages (he's 87), reminding me that his younger wife (a couple of years older than me), is the buffer for my sister and I currently for addressing such issues for him.
In any case, these are things that we don't want to control our enjoyment of the present, but can encourage our adjustment to future opportunities. And we all have cautionary tales in our lives as those you describe with your mother and stepfather - all well worth taking into account.
Thank you for your reflections - good to read them on a snowy afternoon in a snug cottage. I hope cleanup after the storm isn't too bad and that you have a network of folks that can help.
Hi Lisa, Thank you for your thoughts. My desire to move is definitely influenced by my age in a challenging landscape. Another threat not mentioned in my essay is wildfire which now has become an annual threat. We could stay here as we have learned how to live here: we cut and stack firewood each year, we are equipped for power outages, and we can pay to have our driveway plowed but still have to shovel paths to get to the workshed and the compost pile. What has changed is my diminishing interest in this lifestyle. I spent last year thinking deeply about how I want to spend the last quarter of my life and my interests have changed. Reading, writing, fiber craft, road trips, hiking and camping were at the top of the list. Shoveling snow, cutting and stacking firewood, removing brush and small trees (firewise work), cleaning my 2400 sq ft house didn't even make the list!
As I mentioned I will be researching and writing about housing options that are available to some elders. Intentional communities (sometimes called co-housing) is on the list.
Thanks again for commenting. Let's keep discussing the many issues of aging.