Revising A Dream

Making a Plan

In 2019, my sister, who lived near our folks in Arizona, called me and told me neither of them should be driving. My mother weaved in and out of lanes, and my stepdad drove too fast, quickly moving in and out of lanes without always checking what was behind him. Worse, she told me that our mom had called her several times and asked her to go to the Walmart parking lot to check on my stepdad because she feared he may have fallen asleep in the car.

Sure enough, he had drifted off in his car. In 110F degrees.

He was taking a new medication that caused drowsiness and it clearly said on the prescription not to drive. My sister had offered to do their grocery shopping but they said liked to do their own. Besides, they were fine. They accused my sister of overreacting. And when I called to talk to them about the issue, they repeated the mantra of denial. They were fine; my sister was overreacting. 

I contacted a free senior advisor service and the advisor explained that this is one of the most difficult times for families. He asked me a series of questions about my parents and based on my responses, he indicated they needed to be in an assisted living scenario. In March 2020, I flew to AZ to visit my folks, carrying a folder full of information about senior housing options, free transportation for medical appointments, and how to order groceries online for delivery. I suggested using Uber for errands. They said no to everything. 

They were fine. 

They weren’t moving, they weren’t giving up driving, and they liked shopping. I was furious at their stubborn refusal to discuss this stage of their lives. I went for a long walk and when I returned, I asked them, “What’s your plan for aging in your home? How are you going to care for yourselves? What happens when you can’t drive anymore?” Looking blankly at me, they said: “We’re fine. We will figure that out when it happens.” In hindsight, I realized that my strategy was too aggressive but I don’t think any strategy would have changed their minds.

Their lack of a plan created some major challenges as their health and mobility declined, causing considerable stress for my sister and me.

On my flight home, I ruminated about their situation and then it hit me - I didn’t have a plan either. At least not an updated one. I had pursued a dream with little thought given to the reality of aging. 

When I moved to my little homestead (described in A Place Called Home) at age 50, I vaguely believed that this would be my last home. I had achieved what had been a long-term dream: to live out in the woods in the foothills on a small acreage and create a slower lifestyle. During the last year, I’ve been mulling whether I wanted to stay here as I aged.

A thick layer of ice on the 3 ft of snow topped off January’s weather adventure.

Fast forward to January 2024: Several winter storms brought three feet of snow, blizzard warnings, single-digit temperatures, and freezing rain that coated the beautiful Douglas firs surrounding my house. Power was off and on for a week, the snowblower broke, and the long driveway was not plowed for two days. Then a front from the south moved in and the ice on the trees started to melt: one small tree fell on the house (no damage), a beautiful blue spruce simply fell over and a much larger Douglas fir is leaning so much that one more ice storm or a hefty gust of wind will bring it down. As the snow melts, I am discovering multiple small trees that have fallen or cracked. Then this morning, I stepped outside in the pre-dawn darkness to let the dog out, slipped on the ice-coated steps, fell on my butt, using my right hand to help break the fall. Thankfully, I didn’t break my wrist but it is hurting. 

No more mulling; the message is clear. I need to revise my dream and create a plan that sets me up for an easier lifestyle as I age.

Throughout my life, I have moved around with little thought or a plan. I want this move to be a revised version of my dream and lifestyle and it needs to include a flexible plan to allow for aging. I created a list of important factors that I desire for my aging years:

Geography/Climate

I love the PNW and will stay in Washington State. But I plan to move back to the west side of the Cascades Mountains where, yes, it rains all the time (not really but more than many people like). I spent 20 years on the west side and don’t mind the rain. 

Climate change is here to stay and its impacts are already being felt. I can’t escape its impacts but I can move to a place that won’t feel it as much. I hope.

Community Size

I live in a village of about 3000 people which has its benefits but I would like a slightly bigger community with access to more nearby resources. I don’t want to live in a big city or its suburbs. But easy access to a big city would be a bonus.

Outdoor Recreation, Urban Parks & Fitness Centers

I am an avid walker, hiker, and camper so living close to trails, forests, open space, and parks is mandatory. It’s a big part of my lifestyle and my physical and mental wellness. A YMCA or fitness center with a pool would be a big plus!

Affordable Housing

This issue has become a huge problem throughout North America with several recent studies indicating that homes in 99% of the US are unaffordable for anyone making less than $75,000. Renters are spending as much as 50% of their monthly income on housing. Boomers are not downsizing and moving; they are staying put because they can’t find affordable new homes. A shortage of 10 million housing units is contributing to the problem but I also blame the government for not planning for this increasing problem. Where is the vision for planned housing development? I will be coming back to this issue of affordable housing many times because of its serious implications for an aging population.

Though I hope that I will not have to consider assisted living, it needs to be part of my plan so I will be looking for that kind of housing in my research.

Healthcare Services

Many Americans probably aren’t aware of the dearth of healthcare services in small rural communities. I am seeking a community that offers a variety of healthcare options like functional medicine. As America ages, the demand for healthcare will increase so I am paying attention to communities that have larger populations of seniors because there will likely be more healthcare options.

Walkability/Public Transportation

This is another issue in America, especially in Western states. But ideally, I would like to walk or take a bus to shopping, restuarants, and events. 

Local Food Economy

This may sound odd as an important factor but I am a big proponent of supporting locally produced food. I will be giving up a 4000 sq ft garden which has supplied a good chunk of my food each year. As much as I love growing food, my body has been telling me it’s time to rethink this part of my life. In parts of the PNW, there is a growing collection of small farmers, orchardists, market growers, and ranchers who are using sustainable and organic methods to create healthy food to be sold locally. I am looking for a community with a weekly farmers’ market, community-supported agriculture shares, farmstands, community gardens, and locally raised and pastured animal products. A local food economy also increases the resilience of a community. 

Cultural: Library, Live Music, Theater

I use the library weekly and like to attend presentations and discussions hosted by libraries. Music and theater productions are a big plus.

Senior Center & Services

Senior centers offer community connections, classes, and activities. If you haven’t heard yet, America is a lonely place. One of the key factors for the quality of life of elders is their connection to others.

“If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace.” ~Yogi Berra

This list is specific to my interests, concerns and lifestyle. I encourage you to be proactive and create your own list of factors that will help sustain you comfortably in your elder years. 

What concerns do you have about your quality of life in your elder years? What can you do to increase an easier lifestyle for your elder years? Share your thoughts in the comments.